This is the first in an 8-part series on the intimacies that are so important for a good and lasting marriage.
The freedom to share ideas, dreams, hopes, wisdom and knowledge is essential in our relationship with our beloved. It’s how we solve problems as a couple, and it’s how we fulfill our vocation of helping each other become all that God calls us to be as individuals and as a couple. However, all too easily the challenges of normal life interfere with such intellectual intimacy.
We get too busy to make time for it. And sometimes we are misunderstood or suffer the rejection of our ideas, and then we don’t feel quite as safe to share everything that’s on our mind. If this goes on long enough, brick by brick (misunderstanding by misunderstanding), the walls go up and we lose intellectual intimacy, which leads to the decrease of other types of intimacy.
To break down barriers and restore the freedom that comes from true and committed love, we need to take time with our beloved, away from stressors and tiredness and anger. Often, this includes letting go of past hurts by forgiving.
Next, we name the idea or dream or problem that we’d like to discuss heart to heart. Then we describe to each other the perceptions we have about it. No two people perceive the same thing the same way, and once we provide details about how we perceive something, we share “Aha!” moments. Wondrously we discover that, after clarifications, we are really on the same page. Or we become motivated to make sacrifices and compromises. We feel in love again. We have regained intellectual intimacy.
- How free do I feel to share openly with my beloved all my ideas, dreams, hopes, wisdom and knowledge? What one thing, right now, would I like to talk to my sweetheart about?
- How freely does my beloved share openly with me? What have I done that might block this freedom?
Strengthen your relationship:
Describe what you named in the first reflection question. Listen to your beloved share his or her perceptions about it, then clarify whatever has been misunderstood. When you have both taken a turn at this, finish with a prayer of thankfulness for any new understandings gained.
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© 2018 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries