If you’ve been dating long enough to have your first unresolved argument, or you’ve been married for more than a week, you’ve reached the Lover’s Gap. This is the space between where your relationship is now and where you want it to be — where, in your heart, you believe it’s capable of going. This in-between space looks dark and wide, because you can’t see how to get from here to there.
If we think of it as a wide chasm, we become angry and we focus on our sweetheart’s faults. We feel trapped on the cliff of the current moment.
Or we might turn away and refuse to see it at all. The cliff is still there, and we’re still trapped, but the danger is greater, because when we lose our balance, we’re likely to fall off the cliff.
The truth to embrace is that it’s never as huge of a chasm as it seems. Love, with faith and hope, will reveal the way to the other side. Jesus, in fact, is the way (and the truth and the life of love). Act upon the love that you and your sweetheart have for each other, with faith in Christ who is the Third Person of marriage (especially due to the nature of a sacramental marriage). This combination inspires hope no matter how huge the gap feels. And hope creates the energy to move forward.
Forward movement is made by persistent, consistent effort to get through to the other side, one step at a time. One conscious, determined step at a time. Together.
And as you do this, a miracle is revealed. The chasm isn’t so dark after all. The journey is a blessing; it strengthens you as individuals and as a couple. It purifies you. It gives you power to close the gap.
- What gap in my relationship with my sweetheart has been bothering me?
- How would my beloved describe this gap? Is there a gap between our perceptions of it?
Strengthen your relationship:
Think of a time when you had different perceptions about something and it caused a problem that was eventually resolved. How did you resolve it? What does that teach you about how to resolve the current gap between what your relationship is now and what you hope it will become? End this discussion with a prayer to the Holy Spirit, asking for wisdom about the next step for closing the gap.
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© 2016 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries