Each person in a marriage is a “helpmate” for the other. But sometimes we don’t appreciate the help. Sometimes we don’t want the help. We prefer to figure things out on our own. We hate to admit that we need the help. We’re afraid our weaknesses will cause our sweetheart to dislike us and perhaps even reject us.
That’s pride blocking us from receiving something that Jesus wants to give us through our sweetheart. A healthy, holy marriage is one that reflects Christ’s love, which therefore is based on humility and service to one another. We serve our beloved by letting him/her serve us, but it’s so much easier to give help than to receive it, isn’t it?!
When we offer helpful advice to our beloved, we feel good about being humble for the sake of giving love. How do we feel when we’re the one who is offered advice? Unless we requested it, we usually don’t like it as much as we like being the provider of advice. Pride or fear or both are interfering with the mission of helpful caring that Christ has given to our beloved.
The best cure for this is to openly communicate our feelings about the help that our beloved is offering. Why do we feel tense when he/she tries to help? When we examine our feelings down to the root of what triggered them, we can learn more about ourselves and then help our sweetheart understand us better.
- How did I feel when I recently helped my beloved? Why?
- How did I feel the last time my beloved gave me help I didn’t seek? Why?
Strengthen your relationship:
Describe to each other the ways (tone of voice, timing, method, etc.) you are most open to receiving advice. Include a story about a time when you appreciated your sweetheart’s help. End the discussion with a prayer thanking God for providing you with each other as helpmates for the rest of your lives.
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© 2017 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries