Most arguments in a love relationship are not worth winning — not really if our goal is to be loving and caring toward our beloved. Most arguments are fed by pride; we might have a very good and valid point to convey, but we also want to be heard more than we want to listen, we want to have our way, we want to win. And that means we want our beloved to be a loser.
Sometimes we argue a point in order to benefit our beloved. For example: You really should go see that doctor. Or: Our child really needs you to be on time to his basketball game. Or: Our marriage really needs the help of a counselor. Or: You need help to break that addiction.
Those are arguments worth winning.
It should be a calm discussion, but our sweetheart is not of a mind to be swayed from a firmly held opinion or a viewpoint that seems more logical. It might feel to him/her like we’re attacking a personal self-esteem issue or sense of security.
The logic we offer and sound reasons and even our words of love don’t make a difference. It’s more likely that it will take humor, hugs, patience, and prayer to make our point. In some cases, it might require intervention from outside sources.
An important question to ask is: “What evidence would you need to see before you’d be willing to change your mind about this?” Then we must listen with the help of the Holy Spirit to discover the key to changing our beloved’s mind.
- In a recent argument, how much did my pride keep the argument going?
- In that same argument, how much concern did I genuinely have for my beloved?
Strengthen your relationship:
Recall together an old argument that eventually revealed a solution that both of you accepted. How did that experience serve the kingdom of God or glorify Christ? Pray together, thanking God for his help, and ask the Holy Spirit to increase an awareness of his solutions for every problem you face.
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© 2017 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries