Soft anger vs. quiet anger

Soft anger vs. quiet anger - frayed ropeThings happen in every loving relationship that cause anger. How we handle it indicates how much we care about our beloved in the midst of it.

We might try to avoid or reduce conflict by restraining our anger. But this does not resolve the problem. It’s a quiet anger and it eats away at us on the inside like caustic acid. In any close relationship, this acid spills over, splashing onto the other, disintegrating the bonds between us that normally keep us close and feeling loved.

Anger toward our beloved (or from our beloved toward us) is a sign warning us that something must get resolved for the sake of a better relationship. Therefore, it is good and should not be ignored; but it should be released softly.

Why do we shout when we’re angry? When we’re feeling intimate and loving, we speak softly. We whisper “sweet nothings” to each other. We don’t feel a need to shout, because our hearts are close. And when we feel angry, our hearts are distant. We’re painfully aware of a chasm between us. 

Before the chasm grows so much that we’re either shouting more often than not or else we’re withdrawing into a lonely cave of depression, we must do something about it. We need to express our anger soon but softly. Soon. Not immediately, because it is very helpful to first take our complaints to God. 

Our fiery anger is always soothed by God when we entrust our concerns and fears to him. We can then listen quietly enough to discern God’s voice of reassurance and guidance. With that accomplished, we can then go to our beloved and softly express what has made us angry.

Reflection Questions:

  1. Do I like myself when I’m angry?
  2. What that has made me angry or fearful or worried that will I talk to God about right now? 

Strengthen your relationship:
Describe what it feels like to talk to God about situations that might trigger anger or fear or worry. Does your relationship with Christ help you feel calmer about problems? Why? Choose a situation that has made both of you feel angry, and without discussing it, pray together asking Jesus to become the Lord of that situation. Then share scriptures or lessons you’ve learned in the past that reveal how much Jesus cares about it.

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© 2017 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries

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