Broken trust is so hard to restore, so very hard, we’d better be careful and very committed to always being trustworthy in our beloved’s eyes. Sooner or later, however, we’ll blunder or sin and do something that says we are untrustworthy. What, then, can we do to mend the relationship?
(This reflection can be applied to any relationship.)
Explaining to our beloved why they should trust us almost never works. Being open and transparent seems like the logical way to prove trustworthiness. However, when you’ve been cheated or betrayed in any way, have you actually been healed from knowing what those who hurt you are doing and where they are at every moment? Usually it doesn’t happen that way. Once trust is broken, there’s almost no amount of transparency that will help us feel safe and free of all doubts.
Trust is not restored by providing transparency, but by the actions we take, the good deeds that we do. Instead of trying to prove trustworthiness, which will be met with doubt and disbelief, we build trust by serving our beloved in some way that matters — without being asked.
Whether you’re mending a broken trust or strengthening an existing trust, pay attention to what your beloved needs, hopes for, and dreams about, and then do something to meet that need. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you become aware of how you can serve him or her. Get excited about what you can do. Make his or her life easier. And then do it again with another opportunity to serve. Be a provider of support, an ally in challenges, and a reliable partner of progress in making dreams come true.
If it’s you who are unable to trust, understand how trust is regained and then help the one you distrust to understand it, too. If that doesn’t start the healing process, get both of you to a good counselor or therapist.
- Why does my beloved trust me?
- What has my beloved done recently that has made a valuable difference in my life? How do I feel about it?
Strengthen your relationship:
Describe a need or a dream that you wish could be fulfilled through the help of an ally. After you have both done this, pray for inspiration and then discuss ideas on how to help each other make those dreams come true. Finish with a prayer that entrusts the whole matter to God.
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© 2018 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries