What does your beloved owe you? And what does your beloved think you owe him/her?
We all have a God-given right to be loved fully and generously and especially in our most difficult moments when everything we need seems stolen or elusive. However, no lover can ever love us as perfectly as God does. This is why Christ must be a third partner in the marriage. His radical love provides the complete love that marriage represents.
Often, though, we expect our sweetheart to be more than he/she currently is — more God-like. In the gap between what he/she is like now and what God is like, we feel short-changed. We presume, consciously or unconsciously, that our beloved owes us this change.
Happy marriages are not made by spouses who give us everything we need. Happy marriages are made from the realization that what’s owed to us will never be sufficiently provided. We can either let the lack of having what’s owed to us eat away at our peace and our enjoyment of our sweetheart, or we can choose to take a new way, a new path, a new strategy to get our needs met.
What do you wish you’d get from your sweetheart right now? How do you feel about not getting it? Let it go. Move forward. The poison of unforgiveness rots the relationship from the inside and creates an ever-growing gap.
As my sweetheart Ralph likes to say when talking to people about marriage, “Always be willing to forgive and always love the other when he/she is most unlovable, because that’s what God does. We’re called to show God’s love to the other.”
God is the only one who can fill all gaps. When we forge a path of personal spiritual growth and pursue this instead of the elusive wish that we’ve placed upon our sweetheart, we find peace. We find healing. We release God’s love to our beloved and to our own hearts.
- How is God’s love actively making a difference in situations that my beloved is unable or unwilling to handle sufficiently?
- How can I reveal God’s love to my beloved when he/she wants something from me that I cannot give?
Strengthen your relationship:
Describe to each other evidence that God is a third partner in your relationship, the true head of your family. Invite him, in a shared prayer, to take a more active role in your marriage.
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© 2017 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries
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