I heard some good advice at a marriage retreat long ago: “Never go to bed angry at your spouse.” But I never quite figured out how to do that.
By the end of the day when we’re heading for bed, our brains are too tired to take charge of our negative emotions — which is a difficult enough task when our minds are freshly rested!
To resolve an argument, or to peacefully put off seeking a resolution until a better time, so that we can go to sleep contented and relaxed in our beloved’s snuggle, we need to be able to think clearly. We need to be able to get past the riled up emotions. We need to forgive, which is a decision made with the brain, not a feeling based on our sweetheart being the first to seek forgiveness.
By nighttime, that’s usually impossible.
This is why we need Christ’s Radical Love — which is fully available through the Sacrament of Marriage — as the source of our marital union.
In Christ, we can always turn to our God to be loved no matter how we feel or behave, even at the end of an emotionally exhausting day.
In Christ, we can receive supernatural love to give to our spouse, even when we don’t feel very loving.
In Christ, we can go to sleep with the peace-filled knowledge that he is eventually going to guide us to a holy resolution for the argument that has riled us up. And thus, even before we feel good about our spouse, we can sleep in the same bed and not fantasize pushing him/her onto the floor.
- How quickly do I turn to Christ to be loved when I don’t feel loved enough by my sweetheart?
- How do I know my sweetheart loves me even during arguments?
Strengthen your relationship:
Share with each other how much (or how little) you turn to Jesus when you’re angry. Why is it difficult to feel God’s love during an argument? And after the argument, if the conflict remains unresolved, how quickly (or slowly) do you turn to Christ for help? What can you do as a couple to improve on this? End this discussion by praying together for an increased awareness of Christ’s unconditional, unending love.
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© 2017 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries