The entertainment industry and other worldly influences have been feeding us a big lie about sex. The message is strong and has convinced many: “Romance requires sharing sexual activity. You’re not really in love unless you’re having sex. Sexual passion is even a good way to start a romance, because it means that you’re attractive.”
What happens if one of you becomes paralyzed by an accident or war or disease, and sex becomes impossible? Is that the end of romance? Is that the end of love? Of course not.
True love is proven by romance that’s based on caring, not sex. Cuddling, kissing, back massages, and other physical intimacies without sex are forms of endearment and trust and unconditional love. These could lead to beautiful experiences of sexual intimacy, but the truth of real love is that they don’t have to.
Sexual activity is an animal instinct. Love goes way beyond that.
Sex is most fulfilling as the byproduct of a love relationship that is unquestionably sure, deep, other-centered, and self-sacrificing.
Sex before marriage does not prove that a marriage will last. The truth is: Restraint from giving in to sexual urges proves that no matter what, our love is real, that it’s not conditionally based on sexual compliance or performance, and that we can restrain ourselves from other temptations (including the temptation to have an affair with someone else when the marriage hits tough times — and there is no spouse who has never faced this temptation).
For those who are wondering if they are truly loved, in the fullness of who they truly are, and by someone who is truly committed to making a marriage last, the answer can be made clear by removing sex from the picture. This is one reason why waiting until the wedding night is beneficial as well as holy. Likewise, this is an important reason why, within a marriage, waiting for fertile time to be finished is a deeper way to love than artificial contraception.
- What are my favorite physical ways to be loved by my beloved?
- What does physical intimacy mean to me?
Strengthen your relationship:
Plan a romantic evening or getaway weekend, where it will be just the two of you, without phones and computers and family and friends connecting you back to normal life. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you dream what to do and where to go, help you figure out when to go, and help you both enjoy the romance.
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© 2016 by Terry Modica of Good News Ministries